Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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