just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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