girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
