lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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