I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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