you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
