I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Randomize
