We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
