did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
