everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
