I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
