Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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