Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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