Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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