you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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