I can feel you judging me through the phone.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
