he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
