Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
accomplished twins. life is a go
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
