Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize