well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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