i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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