What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
