My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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