Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
