you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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