I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
