did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Alive.
So much puke
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
