I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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