Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
