She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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