I threw up into my coffee this morning.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Randomize
