We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
You smell like stripper and shame
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
