watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
