remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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