I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
