Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
