i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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