He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
