She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize