Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
