Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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