Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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