i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
You can't motorboat a personality
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
only you would photoshop your dick
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
