best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize
