never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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