Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
