They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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