i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
