I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize