I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
