omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
