can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
