Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize