somebody snuck up and got me drunk
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
