Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
it was like his penis was on wheels.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
