yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
