I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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