Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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