Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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