nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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