after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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