if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
