Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
