i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
