wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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