yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
