and you said cock pushups were impossible
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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