You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
