so explain again why im purple
no
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
