yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
