Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I see more hoeing in ur future
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